Do you like to gamble?

Ok, let me get one thing straight, you're probably not going to win on slots. You may at some point, some days, some weeks, but not always, not 'on average' and not in a million years going to make a living doing it. But you could. Possibly. Although it's very very unlikely.

Why? Because you're enjoying the process more than the result. Because you're a rat in a cage and you want to get more sugar and you don't see outside the cage. Because you are, basically, releasing too many damned endorphins for your own good, except that's why you're there and that's what you want. Except you don't really. But you do when you're there pressing the buttons.

Why? Because you're at the casino and you're totally immersed in the fantasy world you've created for that moment in time and you don't have any kids, parents, work, school or money issues, you aren't hungry, thirsty or desperate for the restroom, you aren't about to go to a meeting or see a show or pick up a date or get on a plane or go to bed. Not currently. You're in a world of your own and you are currently loving it, even if you're losing (as long as you still have money left in your wallet).

Why? Because you are an optimist and you think the next time you hit that button the screen is going to be filled with lots and lots of whatever-it-is you need it to be filled with, and there will be flashing lights and music and your heart will warm to the spirit of the universe and everything will be wonderful. And it might happen. Really, it might. Sometimes it does. You know its true because its happened to you before. So you know it could happen again. Soon. Really, very soon. On this next spin...bugger...next one...bugger...next one...ooh, so close, must be the next one...

Now, slowly, I'm going to tell you how you can and (unless you're stupidly rich) should, change that!

Do you want a drink?

Please don't get me wrong, I know there's a part of you that is sane and logical and intelligent and calm and professional and mature and nurturing and loving and happy and so on, but I'm not expecting that part of you to turn up at the casino. I'm expecting the other part. You know the part I mean don't you ;-)

If you drive to the casino thinking I'm going to lose twenty dollars, get a free drink, tip the waitress $2.00 and leave whenever I hit $50 or lose my $20 then good luck to you. But I doubt you're the kind of person reading this blog. But if you are there's still going to be quite a bit for you to learn here, so do keep reading. But if you're the kind of person that I think is reading this blog, which basically means someone like me, then this is going to take a little while to explain, so please be patient, because what I'm going to say will take a fair few pages. Also, you may know quite a lot of what I'm about to tell you, may be even quite a lot, but probably not all, and definitely not thought about it all in the same way as I'm going to explain it to you. So again, be patient and let me explain it all. And finally, I need to say that this blog cannot possibly be for everyone. It's not a one-size-fits-all answer. We aren't all crazy in the same way. Our preferences change, our habits change and our finances change. Also, our location changes (this is important) and our freedoms change (also important) and our lives are not one straight line, so you'll need to use the advice I'm going to give according to your current ability to appreciate it, and perhaps change the plan of action later according to future situations.

Getting back to that free drink though, do make sure its a White Russian, and think of me as you sip it slowly, I drank it in one gulp through the tiny straw once, and 15 minutes later I was totally wasted.

Anyone fancy going to the casino tonight? Good! But don't! Wait until you've read some more of this blog!

Do you want a smoke?

I've kept every page short because I know you have a terrible attention problem and you can't read anything much at the best of times, but you know this is about gambling so you are invested in it by page 3, and now I have to convince you to get to page 4 before I lose you. Oy, you still there? Good!

Ok, so I mentioned earlier this won't be useful for everyone, but I wan't to define that a little better now. What I've done is discovered a set of foolproof methods that mean I never lose at the casino (overall) and it works amazingly well for me. So well that my wife even approves. So well that I go to Las Vegas perhaps 5 or 6 times a year basically for free. So well I take the kids in the summer and then again in the winter and they love it and can't wait to go back. In fact, probably my second favorite trip ever was a week in Vegas with my 14 year old son. We spent one night free at The Linq, 3 nights free at The MGM (they gave me $50 free play and $50 food credit) and then 3 Free nights at The Wynn (they gave me $400 free play and that was the second time they had given me free room plus $400 freeplay). We saw five shows, ate an incredible amount of food, and I am being 100% honest when I tell you I went on that trip with $200 in my pocket and should have come back with most of it except I got a little too excited on my last night and wanted to carry on gambling long after I should have gone to bed. (No one's completely perfect are they!)

I've lost my thread. Let me get back to the point. So, this "system" works for me for a number of reasons. Firstly I live in California near a Harrahs Casino. Secondly I live near enough to Las Vegas to drive there with my wife or kids, or fly there in 45 minutes if I'm going alone (because its cheaper to drive if more than one of you are going obviously, and if I'm going with someone else then it'll be an action packed trip and I'll need the car to get around. If I go by myself I won't in all likelihood leave whatever casino I'm in.)

Ok, so first of all if you live outside of the US of A then a great deal of my blog will not be for you. However, some still will, so I apologize for making you read through stuff that won't be beneficial to you, but there'll be enough in there to hopefully make the read worthwhile overall anyway. Next, if you live in the middle of nowhere, in a state that doesn't have an Indian Reservation in it and if your wife is a devout Mormom, then Oy Vay, what are you doing brother? Again, I don't think you'll get much out of this blog either. But have a Blessed Day nonetheless. But if you live within spitting distance of a casino, if your spouse lets you go there perhaps once a week, or worse if she goes with you (that is NOT fun in my opinion, but to each their own!) and if you are allowed to visit Vegas alone or with "the boys" every so often (what kind of wife do you have? Answer: A VERY trusting one like I have, or one that really wants you out of sight for a while, so she can get her mojo on, sipping gin and tonics by the pool without you annoying her - I know that type, and good luck to you my friend) then this blog will really be for you.

Dammit, I lost the thread again. So, you get my point I hope. You will make the absolute most of this blog if:

1. You frequently go to a local casino.
2. That casino is preferably linked to a chain in Las Vegas (very useful, but not essential).
3. That you vacation or otherwise visit Las Vegas every so often (should be twice a year or more to maximize various benefits).
4. You play SLOTS. If you play table games. poker, roulette or blackjack then the calculations are WAY off. I'll explain how to get the most out of the house anyway, but trust me for comps there is NOTHING like playing slots.
5. You have some money, but not millions. At least not so much that you've stopped caring about getting shit for free, working the system, losing without losing, or actually winning. I have friends that go to Vegas just so they can drink like fish without their wives being around, or just go for poker tourneys, or go with their wives for romantic weekends. Well good for you, You can all stop reading. No, I'm joking, you'll get something useful out of this too.

Now, don't worry, I'm not JUST going to tell you to join the players club and put your card in the machine and that's the whole story. No no no! There's so much more to tell you. So, now, go outside and light up a cigarette (I know you smoke still) and when you come back we'll make a start on how I never EVER lose at the casino, and how you can do it too.

Do you want some pie?

Sorry, but I've realized I really need to do one more thing before we really kick off. I have to tell you a little bit of my personal history so you understand how I came to discover all the things I'm about to explain to you. If I don't tell you my story then why would you trust me?

As I've already said, I live in Southern California, where there are a great GREAT SURPRISINGLY GREAT many casinos. But I was born and raised in the UK, where gambling is ridiculously legal, to the point there are bookies on every single road in the land. Google it. William Hill, Ladbrokes, Corals, Betfred, Paddypower, Stan James, the list goes on and on. Each store has slot machines and a dozen TV screens and in the good old days were full of ashtrays and newspapers and torn up losing betting slips. If you liked to gamble you could live in these establishments. Later on I joined my favorite snooker club, which also had slot machines and big TV screens and lots of snooker and pool tables and ashtrays. And eventually a poker room too. And then came online gambling. So that after a long day gambling I could go home and gamble too. And then everyone was suddenly into online poker. And then I started making twice-weekly trips to the casino to play poker with real people. And later still I would save up enough money to make an annual trip to Las Vegas and get to the universal home of gambling. And finally, when I was 40 years old, I moved to California.

I didn't come here for any other reason than to better the lives of my family, to work hard and to live the dream in sunshine and luxury. But I quickly discovered there were SO many casinos near where I lived and they were so inviting for someone who loves to gamble. I also quickly realized that gambling in the US was a very different experience to gambling in the UK, on many levels, and I had to go through various growing pains to come to appreciate their differences and ultimately come to discover how I could get the most out of what the US casino's had to offer me.

The most important lesson for me came in about 1994 on one of my Vegas trips. I was there for 2 weeks (that was my first mistake!) and after 7 days was running low on funds, so to pass the days more cheaply I decided to visit ALL the casinos and see what was happening in each. I also broke the back of the Englishman inside me and actually started to TALK to people! That proved to be SO beneficial it grew on me. The Brits do NOT talk to strangers. But I started chatting to all the Americans (who LOVE to talk to strangers!) and I got to learn so much about what makes Vegas tick. And since then I've continued to learn that way, until now, when I get to tell you all that I know.

So, it has been a long journey here. But I think I've got this mastered now. 

OK, You can go and grab some pie now, and on the next page I will begin the bit you really came here to read.

Bank Roll

Bank Roll

How much money do you take to the casino with you? How much more can you get your hands on if you need to? How in control of your finances are you? What 'tactics' do YOU use to make sure you have fun and that you don't lose your shirt every time you go?

These questions assume you go to have fun. The reason you rarely win is often less to do with the winning bit, and more to do with the having fun bit. You've been there 100's of times when at some point you were up, possibly quite a good amount up, but then you got all excited, raised your bet, and kept on going till you lost it all. The house know this. You also know this. You don't have a problem losing, but you have a BIG PROBLEM winning. You are, in fact, great at losing - you've mastered it 1000 times. But you are a very poor winner. It might be guilt at taking the house for a loss, might be the excitement and thrill of making the big win ever bigger, might be you just didn't have your brain engaged at the time and all you wanted to do was just carry on playing and having fun, or it could be you couldn't stop as you don't have an "off button" unless and until you either lose all your money or hit something so big (taxable big) that the delay in getting paid calms you down enough to remember who you are and that you need 2 new tires really badly.

So, back to my first question - how much money do YOU take to the casino? If you are lucky enough to be very well off, and take thousands of dollars with you, then enjoy life, and appreciate what you have. But I also hope you are making the most out of those dollars you spend, although I suspect you probably don't worry too much about that anyway. Or, if you have saved a few dollars each pay-packet and have finally got $40 together and are going to the casino for the first time in 4 months and hope it's going to be your lucky day, then good luck to you too. But I don't think you're going to get to the higher levels of benefits my plan has to offer as you're not quite doing enough turnover to get recognized/appreciated by the house. On a side note - if you want to pace yourself so you have the longest time at the casino for your money, try the Keno or Poker machines rather than the quick turnover slots machines, but note they are far worse for getting comps and benefits.

Now, all the rest of you, listen up. You are my people! You have perhaps $100 to $500 a week to play with that is affordable money. You care about it, and you'd prefer not to lose it, but you do, almost every single week. You lot, keep reading this blog very very VERY carefully!

Real Bank Roll

Real Bank Roll

Continuing from the previous page, I'm going to assume you walk in to the casino with a couple of hundred dollars. That amount is perfectly acceptable. Should make for a good night. Should last the evening. Should. The problems start if it doesn't. Let's think about things for a moment. You went in with a basic expectation that the money you went in with would last you a certain length of time. If you just keep winning then move along, nothing to see here. But if you lose your money before your time-expectations have been satisfied, the question arises as to what you are going to do.
The problem with gamblers is they rationalize everything. They validate. They calculate and then re-calculate. They consider the facts, work them another way, bend them and ultimately, if needed, just ignore them. I've done it 1000 times myself, so I know. On 1000 occasions I have promised to spend no more than X, sworn it to myself, and then completely ignored that promise. Perhaps mischievously, perhaps by re-calculation of what I must have originally imagined were the facts concerned, or perhaps I couldn't think of any other reason except I WANT TO CARRY ON. That ultimately means I haven't reached my time expectation or I'm having so much fun I want to continue at all costs. I'll come back to the "at-all-costs" discussion another time, but for now let's focus on the time-expectation factor. This is important stuff. Well, for me it is. As an example I almost always use the valet when I park at the casino in the evening (I'm not wasting time looking for a parking bay, and then only find one miles from the entrance. Forget about it. I'm above that). The thing is, when I have to go retrieve my car if it's only been 20 minutes, or even only an hour, I feel a right idiot. So I'd rather hit the ATM for another $100 than see the valet guy. I know in my heart the valet guy not only probably hasn't a clue when I dropped the car off, he 100% doesn't give the slightest shit about it. But for some reason the shortness of my gamble bothers me.

Now, I go in with good intentions. I'm here to have fun. I'm here to enjoy myself for a few hours. I'm NOT trying to win per se, more realistically just hoping to lose my money nice and slowly. What happens is I put my money in the slot machine, hit 40c, press play, and then go immediately up to 80c because who the hell wants to win anything playing minimum stake! That has happened SO often it's a joke. And it's only worse if I win. Then I always move up to $1.20 or $1.60 or more likely to $2.00 a spin. And if I win say, $341 on some free spins or a feature, I guarantee I'll have a conversation that starts off with me saying I'll just play it down to $300 even, but when I get there I'll always redefine my stopping point at $280, no $250, no $200. I might actually stop at $200. But equally I might not.

OK, I've given you the scenario. You've been there, I've been there. What are we going to do about it? Obviously, you'll just have to keep reading the blog!

Real Actual 4am Bottom Line Bank Roll

OK, so you've been playing for a while, and you're sat drinking a (insert favorite drink) and maybe you're playing a casual $1.00 a spin and then you get the free spin feature. You automatically light up a cigarette before you hit the start-feature-button and then you just sit back and relax and let the money roll in baby. Sounds familiar? It's what you are there for. Living the dream baby.
What are the chances at that precise moment, that you could consider leaving? Probably almost zero? What about the chances of you cashing out after your free spins have finished? Also pretty close to zero I'd guess. Well, I don't blame you. I'm totally with you. Normally. You're there to gamble and this is exactly what gambling is. So why would you want to stop right at the peak of your pleasure?

Well, you have to. Or you have to at least start to think about it.

Let's consider your options: You're going to carry on. You're going to cash out then carry on. You're going to cash out and stop. I'm not going to suggest you stop right after each big win, but it's a definite consideration when you get to the ultimate level of slot-play skills. What I want you to do is just consider the benefit of cashing out after a decent win. You get one automatic benefit which I will call a DT - Delay Tactic. This gives you that moment you need to keep your sanity (or get your sanity back) in the middle (or at the end?) of a session. What you need to be able to do is take just about 2 seconds out of your current reality and THINK. Just ask yourself why are you there? To play, to win or to play until you lose all your money? If you want at least a chance of either playing for longer, or playing and winning, or possibly playing then winning and then actually leaving with winnings then you have to, you just have to, learn to introduce some Delay Tactics into your play. And every time you get a decent win this is what you have to do. Once you've gotten into a new habit of doing this, two things quickly happen: Firstly it'll become second nature - every time you win big you cash out. And secondly you'll see the financial benefits of doing it. You'll see these benefits VERY quickly. So quickly in fact that you'll love it, and look forward with incredulity at getting another decent win just so you can cash out.

What you want to do, at the night goes on, is end up with a pocket full of cash-out slips.

Now, it's easy to just end up putting them back in to the slot machine, be it the one you just won on, or another you end up moving to. So there are a couple of additional DT's I will share later on. But for now I will just say this: YOU MUST GO TO THE CASINO WITH A BIG PILE OF $20 BILLS. Do not go with $100 bills. You can hide a few of those inside your wallet if you like. But to get the confidence of hitting the cash-out button you have to KNOW you are going to immediately put in a fresh $20 from your pocket. Again, as your confidence in doing this grows you will learn to look forward to doing this. You have a different mind-set when you have $20 to play with and not the $448 you just cashed out. It tells your subconscious that if you lose this you'll move. And that is high up on the Delay Tactic skills I will get to in later blog entries.

But basically, for today's lesson - go in with a bank roll of $20 bills. Cash out after any and every win over $100 and don't put more than one $20 in THAT slot unless you get back to winning ways enough to cash out again. Sometimes you'll be able to stay on that slot for a good long time, gradually exchanging $20 bills for cash out slips. Sometimes it's one and done and move along. But get into this new habit and start to see the benefits of changing your slot play today!

Now, the title of this blog page is what happens at 4am when you run out of money. The answer should be GO HOME. The new answer should be go to the Ticket Redemption Machine and switch out all those cash-out slips for cash! And then RUN! Don't hit one last slot, or you'll never leave. But sometimes, you are going to lose without hitting anything big. You are going to have a disaster night. I've been when I haven't even hit a single frickin feature! Well, on those occasions you need to be able to remember that winning isn't guaranteed on any single visit. So whatever your bank roll is for that day or week, keep to it. Don't advance on next weeks. Don't use the profit from last weeks. Keep to the plan. Focus on the long game.

Mission number two is gaining credibility with your players card company, and that is based strictly on turnover. You want to do lots and lots of turnover, but you want to do it on their money, not on your own. Later on I'll give you some numbers that show you how much the house is willing to give you, once you've got to various tier levels, and the numbers are awesome. But you don't, in effect, want to just be paying for them out of your own money. I'll come back to that whole calculation later also, but the second take-away from this entry is learn to roll with the house money when the going is good. Have fun on their money, but keep your wallet tight. Stick to the plan and you'll be amazed at the results. Now, go get yourself a bundle of $20's and see how much fun cashing-out after a win can actually be.